The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
