I hate your face
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
