I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
