Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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