Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
