well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
