I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
