I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
