Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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