So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Houston, we have a squirter
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
