One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
