It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
