I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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