two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
