He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
