Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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