hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
