Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
