Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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