you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize