Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
