I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
