watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
