yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm at about main and main street
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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