omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
