All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
