best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
