yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
