i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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