This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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