I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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