I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize