A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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