32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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