You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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