this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
