and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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