Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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