I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My hand turned me down
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You don't make any sense
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