Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
