Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Enjoy the penises
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
