The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
