i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She told me I should be a condom model.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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