Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
