I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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