Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
