So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
