Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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