She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
