that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
