you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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