im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
