So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
