no, he came in my armpit
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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