so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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