shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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