I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
