my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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