Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
