Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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