i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
