Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
