just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
