Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
