i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
