Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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