dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
