he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
