Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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