She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
they're like a gay fantastic four
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Alive.
So much puke
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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