i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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