Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Randomize
