fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
