He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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